I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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