Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
