hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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