I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
