It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
