...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
