I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
