taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
