If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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