So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
