oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
