THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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