Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
