Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
