I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
