I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
