She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
