I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
God, I missed his penis.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
