in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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