Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
