I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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