he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
