STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
