i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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