Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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