It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need a beard to bite.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
