I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
