so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
