I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
