i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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