My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
