This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
