Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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