low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
