Don't make out with my wife yet
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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