Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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