well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
