Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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