that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
