I need to stop coming to work sober
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
