we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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