me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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