i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
someone owes me an orgasm
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
