Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
420 ftw
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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