I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
