I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
