Your face is a jimmy john
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
