And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
