Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
zippers are such a cool invention
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
