his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
