I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
