Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
