i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
