Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
