So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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