i need an iv and a liver transplant
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
