at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
